2015 is ending soon. The past year has been a real toughie but boy oh boy! What a wonderful year of accelerated growth and healing.
At the cusp of the transition from 2015 to 2016, I feel more like an observer watching the river go by. There is no distinct point that separates the two years. 2015 has been a continuation of my spiritual journey that started several years ago. My quest to live an authentic life seems to have come to fruition during the past year. I managed to shed my “masks” while taking the bold steps to move toward things and people that I am genuinely drawn to, and move away from those that didn’t match up with my authentic self. Hence I quit my cushy job and moved away from a workplace where I wasn’t doing what my heart truly wanted, and where the boss espoused the kind of leadership that I despised. So I moved on and became an entrepreneur.
Being my own boss gave me a lot of surprises and tons and tons of hard work, soul searching and headaches, not to mention near bankruptcy, but my heart rejoices for following its calling.
I also found myself attracting numerous quality friendships over the past year—some of whom I can relate to on a very deep level. I have a sense that they are going to be wonderful blessings in my life going forward. I also have reconnected and strengthened my friendship with some of my long-standing friends. Their selfless support in my darkest moments really touched me, giving me wings when I was about to plunge down the cliff of abyss.
Looking back, there is this one accomplishment that I would call a major milestone in my life: I have finally figured out the main contributor of my depression, which was latent in my teen years, became full blown “clinical” in my late 20s, and then kept on visiting me in the next two decades. Well, it was a moment of epiphany when I realized that the feeling of inadequacy about myself has led to all this (see the story here). Strange enough, after having found this kernel of truth, which dispelled the “myth” that I had conjured for myself all these years, I have been feeling marvelous, despite having encountered seemingly insurmountable challenges since. As a bonus, I suddenly found my previous need to prove myself to feed my ego melting away.
At the same time, I stopped worrying about how others see me or what they think of me, which had been a source of unhappiness in the past. I started to follow my heart and listen to my guts instead of motivating my actions based on what would please others or get me approvals. I found that utterly liberating.
I am looking on at 2016 with courage and hope. To those of you who are also seeking personal growth, may our lives continue to be blessed with more healing and fulfillment.