2012 is off to a good start for me. My recent burnout episode gave me just the right impetus to search for what was missing in my life—a shift from an ego-based existence to one that is connected to the Source from whence I come. And what an opportune timing as I enter the fourth decade of my life.
The concept of the “shift” comes from Dr Wayne Dyer, whose film on the subject and accompanying book has greatly inspired me recently.
One of the key messages from his film/book is that we are not what we “have,” nor what we “do,” nor what “others think of us,” but the pure being that comes from “nothingness,” the great “Tao” as he phrases it in his work. In Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s words (which I experience intimately through my practice of Transcendental Meditation), this is analogous to “pure consciousness.”
The practice of the Tao involves daily diminishing
descreasing until nothing is being done.
When nothing is being done, ironically,
nothing can be left undone.
True mastery of the world can be attained
by allowing things to take their natural course.
It can never be attained by interfering.
~Lao-tzu, in “Tao Te Ching”
It’s so revealing to me when Dr. Dyer talks about how we, after nine months of gestation period (without having to do anything, just letting Nature take its course to create us), and as perfect creations when born, have been gradually taught by parents, teachers and the society to take on a false ego—which is a reflection of the collective consciousness and not our true, authentic selves. Toddlers and small children, before being “corrupted” by the false ego, still find joy in the pure being. Their happiness is not built upon what they own, what they have achieved and how their peers look upon them. As soon as they are taught that their self worth are dependent on these external things, they enter the “rat race” and (are told to) feel the need to compete with the rest of the world for the No. 1 position in whatever field that they are told to excel in, thus not following what their born “dharma” calls them to follow.
Realizing the whole social construct is a cloak that shrouds our authentic selves, I suddenly have this awakening: the reason why I had been feeling increasingly bad about myself was because I was constantly comparing myself with others (especially in ballet) and depending on others’ approval to derive my happiness. When I couldn’t get those, my self-esteem plummeted. I had lost touch with my divine, glorious nature and my authentic self.
But in the past few weeks, when I gave myself the chance to relax and take a break from the environment that gave rise to my ill feelings about myself, I became ready to receive the wonderful messages from the Universe. For example, I came to understand that my physical body is not all that I am. It is a part of me that allows me to experience this journey in this particular time and space. I had been stressing myself too much to demand my body to be in a “perfect shape” according to the harsh standards of the ballet world. Of course I’m bound to be crushed as I age and as my fibroids grow. Maybe my fibroids are there to teach me this lesson! It’s a lesson to accept all of myself—including the “extreme” imperfections.
Also, the idea of non-interference really speaks to me. All my life, I have been indoctrinated and influenced by my mother that I can control everything in my life with my will. And I have such a strong will—pig-headed, almost—that I have been totally convinced that I can use my intelligence and wisdom to influence everybody around me and “make” them do what I believe is good for them. Alas, time and time again I have proven myself wrong. I got utterly frustrated, yet I hadn’t learned a bit.
Today, when I read the transcript of an interview of Dr. Oz by Oprah, I came across this line:
Dr. Oz: Oprah, you taught me this: People change based on what they feel, not what they know. Which means that understanding all that advice doesn’t matter if there’s no deep, profound, visceral awareness of why it’s important.
This is exactly what I need to hear at this juncture of my journey! Yes, I need to let go, and let each person follow the course of the Tao in their own pace. Things will happen at just the right time for each of us (this message also showed up in the film “The Shift”). This year, let me practice the skill of non-interference.
Someone by the name of Kristopher Raphael has written that 2012 is the “Year of Authenticity”:
Fears, holding back, and old patterns can no longer be tolerated in the age of authenticity. They are inauthentic. And, in the new world of authenticity, inauthentic aspects of self cannot be maintained. They vibrate too low. Those who continue to choose to live from immature, wounded aspects of self will, unfortunately, have a difficult time of it. Those who have the courage, will and intent to choose to live from their authenticity will step into an entirely new world of love, light and abundance.
I like that message. May 2012 be a year of healing and expansion of my authentic self.